Time Pirates are hi-jacking my life

Hello, I'm Liz. Super Liz! Beneath my jacket, I'm wearing skintight, long-sleeved shirt with a giant, colorful L printed on the front, surrounded by flames or lightening bolts, or something else that screams S-U-P-E-R-H-E-R-O. I jump from building to building by day, at 100 miles per hour, and spend my nights swinging from ropes to catch up on all those missions I didn't accomplish during business hours. I can't remember the last time I actually sat down for a couple of hours, to paint my toenails and catch up on Red Widow, but it's all good. My to-do list is always up for grabs, so just feel free to keep scribbling more things at the end of it.

I know it's not enough that I'm sitting in traffic for almost two hours a day during my weekday commute. It's a total blast to stare at the same bumper sticker for almost an hour after a demanding day, while driving 5-10 MPH and listening another book on CD that I don't have time to read. I especially love it when my Progressive snapshot device screams at me for suddenly slamming on my brakes after someone whips out in front of me without looking...it's become almost a daily occurrence as of late, and I can't help but envision dollar signs exploding every time I hear it. Oh, well! Sure, I work full-time as well, at an incredibly demanding job, but just keep piling my desk with more paperwork.

Oh, and did I mention that I'm also a wife? One of those wives that actually wants to spend quality time with her husband every so often? I'm married to a small business owner that works twice the hours that I do, and it's hard enough to squeeze in a date night every once in a while anyway. But, don't worry... count me in for one more event to log on my calendar. It doesn't matter that I have a 13-year-old stepdaughter that I devote my weekends to, right? I barely see her during the week, and she's growing up way too fast, but I know that I should feel completely guilty about wanting to spend my Friday nights hearing all about her week while we cook dinner together. How selfish of me!

Forgive me for not immediately stepping up to volunteer at your charity event this weekend. Have no fear, I will just change my RSVP to that wedding we're attending! I'm sure Cousin Chloe will understand that I had more important things to do than witness the most special day of her life. It's my turn to help out on that committee, you say? Ok, no worries! I'll let Great Grandma Gretchen know that it's a more pressing need for us than attending her 90th birthday party. Maybe next time, Grams! We've ran our kid around town all through summer vacation to practice soccer and attend tons of tournaments, but a short-notice, Saturday morning scrimmage sounds like Heaven to us. Forget sleeping in...sign us up! We don't mind at all...

I've told you (on numerous occasions) that I'm an active member of a small church, but I guess I'll just keep putting my efforts there on the back burner, since throwing that Tupperware party I committed to back in March is sooo much more important than the orphans we're raising support for in Uganda. Selling plastic gadgets that are likely loaded with BPA should always overshadow getting closer to Christ, correct? What, I need to fill out another form?! Make another appointment? Pay another fee? Schedule another meeting? Host another event? Plan another party? 

Why don't you take a good look at my planner and tell me, exactly, how I'm supposed to fit all that in? I'd love to hear your advice about how I'm going to make all your expectations happen, among everything else that is going on in my life. I know that you think that this job, this group, this committee, or this team is the ONLY thing that matters, but you know what? It's not. So, stop jeopardizing all my time by inviting me to a multitude of "mandatory" events, and giving me guilt trips when I finally, openly & honestly, admit that I just can't do it all anymore. Bottom line? Quit being a Time Pirate, y'all!

I love having a teenager

As Katie's 13th birthday approached, I heard so many warnings about how challenging it is to raise a teenager that I (jokingly) suggested browsing some pamphlets for boarding schools. "She will start to rebel," some people said... "She might be a good kid now, but just wait until the teen years strike," others remarked... My personal favorite? "Enjoy every minute you spend with her before she wants nothing to do with you anymore."

Ok, am I the only one that's seriously annoyed by all the stereotypes that teenagers deal with? They existed when I was her age, and they're still around now, and I don't think they're a good thing. At all. How can we honestly expect any teenagers to behave, when we're watching them all like hawks? Is there a good reason that we constantly worry about them turning into a bunch of Incredible Hulk-like creatures, with a dozen piercings & gauges, at the blink of an eye?

I personally feel that a bee is a good analogy for a teenager. Today's parents are so afraid of getting stung by them that they frantically hop around, screaming in terror, and therefore rile their little wasp up so much that it ends up stinging them out of sheer annoyance of such fearful behavior. I've personally noticed that some of the parents that worry the most about misbehavior end up having the most trouble with their teens.

I do admit that, so far, I've probably rolled my eyes at my stepdaughter more than she has at me (yet another stereotype for youth). I did it the time we planned a family miniature golf tournament that she suddenly decided was "lame," slowly dragging her flip flops around the turf and intentionally trying to set a new world record for how many putts it takes to get the ball over the little fake bridge. I do it every time she refuses to take a family picture, just because she has a zit (the photo below is a rare exception these days). I do it every time I lecture her about cleaning her room, only to glance in my rearview mirror and see that she's wearing headphones. I also do it when I catch her texting beneath the dinner table.

Despite her bright red hair color and multitude of band T-shirts from Hot Topic, my teenaged daughter is no rebel. She constantly surprises me with her thoughtfulness-- doing all of the laundry in our household without being asked, spending hours bathing and trimming our miniature schnauzer so that we don't have to pay a groomer, and giving advice to friends that makes my heart burst with pride (which I only learn of when I'm snooping through her Facebook chat streams, of course). Her grades are excellent, and she works so hard at soccer and flute. I know it's still early, but so far, I like thirteen.

I know that there are some parents that do struggle with challenging teenagers, and work really hard to help them, and my heart goes out to them. I just wish that the world would realize that not all teenagers are troublesome.

Vacations are not really restful

One of my all-time favorite movies is Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation (1962), starring Jimmy Stewart. It's about a burned-out banker who is ready for nothing more than a relaxing and pleasant trip to the seashore with his family. Of course, that's usually too much to ask for, isn't it? After jumping hurdle after hurdle, they finally get a late start on the road to the beautiful beach house they're envisioning, only to find that it's actually a dilapitated dump with poor plumbing and noisy neighbors. It's all downhill from there, and the trip turns into a total disaster. That's definitely the complete opposite of what Mr. Hobbs envisioned during all those months he spent planning the trip.

Well, Mr. Hobbs, I can relate! The past year of my life has been so crazy that, at times, I have honestly found myself looking forward to Mondays instead of Fridays. You heard me correctly--my weekends have actually been busier than my workdays! Saturdays and Sundays have been packed with soccer tournaments and church events and social gatherings and family celebrations that are a lot like this run-on sentence and never seem to slow down. I gave up on using my weekends to get caught up on all that stuff I don't have time for during the week a long time ago. Now, I absolutely must squeeze every last little task in between the happenings of my regular routine, or they will not ever get done. Stressful much? You bet!

My schedule seems like a good recipe for a heart attack sometimes. Just a few short weeks into summer busyness, I was already running out of breath. So, naturally, I insisted that our family take a little vacation of our own this summer. Due to the demands of my husband's small business, it would only be an extended weekend sort of thing, but even that would be better than nothing. We decided on 4th of July weekend, and chose to spend it at my little sister's house in the Boise, Idaho area. As we worked out the details, I envisioned a relaxing rendezvous with friends and family and fireworks, just as Mr. Hobbs had done. So do you think that everything went according to plan? Absolutely not!


The night before we were supposed to leave, we were up way too late packing. This is not only due to the fact that we didn't have time to pre-pack earlier that week, but also because Jeff confessed (at the last minute) that he was worried about losing business on Friday. He never said it meant that he didn't want to go, but I took it that way. This, of course. led to a fight that slowed our packing progress even more, and was also a very sour note to begin our trip with. The next morning, we dragged our sleep-deprived butts out of bed and got a late start on the road. We stopped for an hour to have a delicious breakfast with a dear friend in beautiful Hood River, and things were looking up for a while...until my food poisoning kicked in, and we were forced to stop on several occasions.

We barely made it to the barbecue we planned with my college friends, and didn't even have time to freshen up first. It's been years since I've seen them, so not even my puffy eyes, messy "road hair," and still-queasy-tummy could stop me. After the barbecue, we rushed back to my sister's house, hoping for a good nap before the fireworks. That didn't happen! After we brought our luggage in and set up camp, we realized that if we didn't get to one of the fireworks stands ASAP, they would be sold out. So we returned with our share of fireworks just in time for dinner, and after dinner, it was already dark and the sky was booming and crackling with color.

The next day was a little better. We got to sleep in some before I attended my sister's ultrasound appointment with her, and then enjoyed a lovely lunch out together. I originally envisioned us spending a full day at the water park, splashing around in the sunshine, but that didn't happen, either... We only ended up there for a half day, and the sun started to set half-way through that time, which made the water slides a little chilly for us. But as my family and I lay shivering on our inner tubes, holding hands as we floated around the never-ending river, I still savored the sunset as I reflected on our journey. 

I may not have looked my most attractive at Barbecue #1, but at least I got to see my friends. We didn't have the coolest fireworks on the block after the stand was almost cleaned out, but we still got to make some good memories with family. Our visit to the water park may have been shorter than intended, but we still experienced a few good thrill rides together. And we shared that special family moment in the pool, which I knew we would never forget. It goes to show that, while things will never go according to plan, time still moves way too fast for us to waste it worrying about what should have happened, or what shouldn't have gone wrong. The truth is, the best memories usually aren't made during something that was planned. They usually appear after those moments that turned out wrong, when you finally chose to embrace them and find the beauty in those mishaps.