Time Pirates are hi-jacking my life

Hello, I'm Liz. Super Liz! Beneath my jacket, I'm wearing skintight, long-sleeved shirt with a giant, colorful L printed on the front, surrounded by flames or lightening bolts, or something else that screams S-U-P-E-R-H-E-R-O. I jump from building to building by day, at 100 miles per hour, and spend my nights swinging from ropes to catch up on all those missions I didn't accomplish during business hours. I can't remember the last time I actually sat down for a couple of hours, to paint my toenails and catch up on Red Widow, but it's all good. My to-do list is always up for grabs, so just feel free to keep scribbling more things at the end of it.

I know it's not enough that I'm sitting in traffic for almost two hours a day during my weekday commute. It's a total blast to stare at the same bumper sticker for almost an hour after a demanding day, while driving 5-10 MPH and listening another book on CD that I don't have time to read. I especially love it when my Progressive snapshot device screams at me for suddenly slamming on my brakes after someone whips out in front of me without looking...it's become almost a daily occurrence as of late, and I can't help but envision dollar signs exploding every time I hear it. Oh, well! Sure, I work full-time as well, at an incredibly demanding job, but just keep piling my desk with more paperwork.

Oh, and did I mention that I'm also a wife? One of those wives that actually wants to spend quality time with her husband every so often? I'm married to a small business owner that works twice the hours that I do, and it's hard enough to squeeze in a date night every once in a while anyway. But, don't worry... count me in for one more event to log on my calendar. It doesn't matter that I have a 13-year-old stepdaughter that I devote my weekends to, right? I barely see her during the week, and she's growing up way too fast, but I know that I should feel completely guilty about wanting to spend my Friday nights hearing all about her week while we cook dinner together. How selfish of me!

Forgive me for not immediately stepping up to volunteer at your charity event this weekend. Have no fear, I will just change my RSVP to that wedding we're attending! I'm sure Cousin Chloe will understand that I had more important things to do than witness the most special day of her life. It's my turn to help out on that committee, you say? Ok, no worries! I'll let Great Grandma Gretchen know that it's a more pressing need for us than attending her 90th birthday party. Maybe next time, Grams! We've ran our kid around town all through summer vacation to practice soccer and attend tons of tournaments, but a short-notice, Saturday morning scrimmage sounds like Heaven to us. Forget sleeping in...sign us up! We don't mind at all...

I've told you (on numerous occasions) that I'm an active member of a small church, but I guess I'll just keep putting my efforts there on the back burner, since throwing that Tupperware party I committed to back in March is sooo much more important than the orphans we're raising support for in Uganda. Selling plastic gadgets that are likely loaded with BPA should always overshadow getting closer to Christ, correct? What, I need to fill out another form?! Make another appointment? Pay another fee? Schedule another meeting? Host another event? Plan another party? 

Why don't you take a good look at my planner and tell me, exactly, how I'm supposed to fit all that in? I'd love to hear your advice about how I'm going to make all your expectations happen, among everything else that is going on in my life. I know that you think that this job, this group, this committee, or this team is the ONLY thing that matters, but you know what? It's not. So, stop jeopardizing all my time by inviting me to a multitude of "mandatory" events, and giving me guilt trips when I finally, openly & honestly, admit that I just can't do it all anymore. Bottom line? Quit being a Time Pirate, y'all!